10 Wolfman's Got Nards!

Owoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! (I think that's how you write a howl...) Lycanthropy. The ability to revert to the animal form. What a rush. Just think how awesome it would be if you could have the speed, strength, senses and instincts of a wolf. Like vampires, werewolves and all other types of anthropomorphic shape-shifters have been a part of human mythology for aeons. The fantasy has always been here. There has always been a human fascination with wolves. Why do you think we domesticated them in the first place? They are quite literally the "best friends" we have in the animal kingdom. Only the worst assholes in the world can bring themselves to hate or hurt dogs.

In most western fiction, the Werewolf is a tragic character. Their burden, is often referred to as a "curse", cured only by death. Usually, the Euro-American werewolf is simply a "monster". Just like Stevenson's Hyde, Glenn Danzig, or any other violent, hairy drunk, they are seen as "savage" "bloodthirsty" and feared by the archaic western mind.

The mythology of the wolf-man is much different in ancient east-asian and shamanistic civilizations. The wolf is usually a portrayed as a respected ally or even as a deity in these cultures. For instance, to the Ashinas, an ancient Turkic tribe, the wolf was a symbol of honor, paternity and maternity. In fact, in most Altaic cultures wolves were seen almost as Adam and Eve are in the Biblical west. They also had legends depicting wolves as heroes. Just about every shamanistic society in the world who lived in regions where they shared habitat with wolves also respected them. For example here is an old legend of the North American Blackfoot tribe about their Wolf-Man.

Fright Flick List Part 2: Werewolves

There are too many Werewolf movies to count. Way too many to waste your brain watching them all. I am not a fat fan-boy, or a teenage girl so I did not include any of the new ones in the Underworld or Twilight series. This is because I know they are shitty movies targeted at puerile, shallow, morons. These movies don't want you to think with your brain at all. Those who are easily confused by their own hormonal influences, those sedated by heavy narcotics, or just by plain stupidity, love them. I am not at all shocked by the almost religious level of popularity these pseudo-cynical, apathetic diversions have achieved with their overzealous, teen audiences. I do find it disturbing that many full-grown adults also engage in the same vapid fanaticism. It is sad, and kinda gross. Listed below are what I consider some of the best, most essential wolf-people movies with, as always, a little extra cheese...

Wolf (1994)

This is my all-time, personal favorite Werewolf flick. Starring my all-time, personal favorite actor. Jack Nicholson. It is basically, a supernatural, erotic thriller. Not the most celebrated of film genres. It won a bunch of Saturn awards too. Not the most prestigious of trophies. Fuck prestige, I love it. I love sexy, ageless Michelle Pfeiffer. I love the way it presents the progression of the cycle of the werewolf, especially the evolution of the Wolf-man's physical prowess, and super-sensory abilities. I love fresh venison. Most of all, I love how James Spader gets his shoes pissed on by Jack. I really could watch this movie more than once a year. It's definitely not a "monster movie" at all. In fact, it actually allows the wolf-man to be a sort of hero character without losing his western mythological origins of tragedy and torment. Great horror. Great thriller. Great date movie. Especially if you're a hairy bastard like I am. 

An American Werewolf In London (1981) 

John Landis. If comedy-horror was an Olympic event, he would take the gold. (I guess Abbott and Costello could fight it out for silver and bronze.) This is almost a hybrid zombie/werewolf monster movie. With the deceased, progressively decaying buddy of the main character constantly appearing to encourage him to commit suicide. Besides the fantastic, hilarious and classic transformation scenes it also features a bunch of rad nightmare sequences. Love it.

He's not like other guys...

Thriller (1983)

I cannot mention John Landis and werewolves without paying some hommage to Thriller. Title song from the best pop album ever created and an essential jam for any good Halloween Party. Not only is this still my favorite music video it is still essentially, the whole world's. It has everything. An awesome wildcat-style Werewolf, zombies, killer music/dancing, and  the late, great, macabre MC, Vincent Price. Next year, this immortal, horror mini-musical will celebrate it's 30th birthday. 

-I wish that Mike was still alive. 

My body starts to shiver... 

to think what bullshit R&B will come up with

to try and honor Thriller...HAHAHAHAHA!

The Howling (1981)

The 1st film to ever feature werewolf on werewolf sex. Including a werewolf orgy cult. Howling is based on a series of books by horror author Gary Brandner. It stars Dee Wallace of Hills Have Eyes, ET and Cujo fame and was directed by Joe Dante who also did Rock N Roll High School (which he also wrote), and Gremlins. Whether it was trying to or not, it's pretty much a comedy-horror film. It has spawned 7 sequels so far which are all glorious cheeses. The most notable and hilarious of these are Howling 2: Your Sister's a Werewolf aka Stirba-Werewolf Bitch, and Howling 3: The Marsupials, both of which were directed by French-Aussie, Philippe Mora. The first one is the best, and for me, an annual tradition.

"Dude, you could use a haircut, y'know?"
-Gregory Hines to Finney's character in the film.

Wolfen (1981)
Based on the 1978 novel of the same name by Whitley Strieber. This is one of the coolest and most intelligent Werewolf films out there. It is a horror crime thriller that innovated by using a solarization effect shot in first-person perspective (ala Predator) to simulate the actual night-vision real wolves actually have. The bulk of the movie depicts an investigation into some serial killings in New York where the victims appear to have been mutilated and cannibalized by an unknown animal. There is some excellent footage of the old skyline, the South South Bronx, and the Battery. The acting and suspense are also pretty top notch. Especially for an early 80's horror film. It was directed by Michael Wadleigh, and stars Albert Finney (aka Daddy Warbucks), Edward James Olmos, Gregory Hines, and Dianne Venora (Pachino's cheatin' wife from Heat). It is cool because it doesn't go the route of most traditional tormented Werewolf films. It explores the scientific truths about real wolves and the more shamanistic aspects of Lycanthropy. Unfortunately, it also shows Edward James Olmos's butt.

Almost as bad as watching it.

Silver Bullet (1985)
Based on Steven King's relatively short book, Cycle of the Werewolf, Silver Bullet is a great example of how Hollywood mangles the living fuck out of stellar fiction on a regular basis. It stars the late Corey Haim as a wheelchair kid who has a hot-rod wheelchair. He discovers that the one-eyed local priest (Twin Peaks' Everett McGill) is a werewolf and attempts to stalk him via some nasty letters. Gary Busey shines as the drunk, mechanically-inclined, mentally-challenged uncle and in the end we learn that when you're short on silver bullets, a bottle rocket may suffice. Nevertheless, it works well as a piece of horror-schlock comedy. Do yourself a favor if you have never seen this and read the novella before you submit to having your eyes and intelligence raped by this little shit-gem.

 

Teen Wolf (1985)
In my opinion, this movie apexed a theme started with I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957) and Full Moon High (1981). Teen Wolf is less about Werewolves than it is about testosterone and puberty. It is in no way a horror film. The offspring it spawned includes: a short lived Saturday morning cartoon show in 1986, a sequel that same year (Teen Wolf Too) which starred Arrested Development's Jason Bateman, and a live-action show MTV put out to further capitalize on the recent vampire/werewolf teeny-trend in 2011. The original Teen Wolf had heart in the sense that it was a "loser who becomes cool, and realizes that being cool isn't so cool after all" story. A plot that it shared with a few other 80's teen flicks, but, presented in a much more weirdly funny context.

The Wolf Brothers: Lonnie the Legend & Benicio del Lobo

 "Even a man who is pure of heart

And says his prayers by night

May become a wolf when the wolf's bane blooms

And the autumn moon is bright."

There is no way to talk about Werewolves in film without mentioning the most iconic one ever made about them and its recent, gruesomely awesome remake. The two Wolf Man films are both obvious examples of tragic-hero Werewolf characters. Both of them are monumentally important movies, not only to their genre, but, are also classical, preeminent examples of cinematic storytelling and special effects from their respective eras. This contrast/comparison is highly opinionated and brief. It involves mostly, the performances of the two lead actors, and does not even begin to detail the many, wonderful subtleties both films showcase. Those details I leave, instead, for the enjoyment of intelligent viewers.      

Lon Chaney Jr. - Although 1941's The Wolf Man was not the first Werewolf film [Werewolf of London (1935) was.] it may as well have been. Chaney underwent grueling discomfort for this film. Getting yak hair glued to his face and hands, constant re-application of make-up and sitting still for 10+ hours to film the legendary transformation sequence. This process was streamlined in Chaney's later appearances as the character by legendary effects man Bud Westmore. Without reasonable argument, he was the best actor to ever don the fur and fangs and remains to this day the most recognizable werewolf in history, entertainment or otherwise.

Benicio del Toro -  It is, to say the least, rare when the remake of a film shows its classic counterpart the respectful treatment it deserves. Wolfman (2010) is one of these cinematic, diamond hen's teeth. This is largely due to del Toro's immense respect for the original film as well as its legendary performer. To ensure the modern revision maintained the integrity of the original, he even co-produced it. It was brilliantly cast, with both Anthony Hopkins and Hugo Weaving lending their talents to the new interpretation as well as the sensual, compassionate contrast to del Toro's beast provided by Emily Blunt. There is also a brief cameo by Max Von Sydow in the director's cut. Despite poor critical reviews and box office performance, it still won Rick Baker an Oscar for best make-up. There are many, in my opinion, welcome twists and changes from the original movie. Including new psychological twists, changing the time period from the 1940s to turn of the (19th) century England, superior photography, faster pace, exceptional scenery, and far more brutal action scenes. As long as the same care and reverence are shown, I will be looking forward to future remakes of the classic Universal Monsters films.

"Listen to them, Children of the Night. What music they make..."
Until next time, my fiends...

-2012 Wielgorecki