53 Women's Appreciation BBQ Special

A Poop-Culture Phenomena Event

This post is dedicated to the fictional Ms. Leslie Knope, an inspiration to me, and a character my own Mother would have loved. Let the young Leslie Knopes of the world rise up, and "Rise Above."

"Aaron, I want to make out with you."

-Naomi Klein

"Me too."

-Naomi Wolf

"Hey, that's cool."

-Aaron Wielgorecki

(Note: Above quotes are only real in the sub-space of my imagination.)

I not only appreciate women, I love them. They are the key to life. Without women, we men would be as clever and motivated as raw sausages. I like to think that I would just be a lone, masturbating fisherman in that horrific scenario. Imagining ladies who never were. Catching fish. Eating fish. Without women there are no more people. Women motivate our every action, for good or ill. Women are the love of the world. Lets talk about some women we love from TV. Enjoy the BBQ. 

Beer

Joan Jett - Ok, watch this video...(LINK). Now, don't you think they should have had Mila Kunis instead of that Twilight chick as Joan in that shitty movie about the Runaways? Kunis has way better eyes for the role. It may have made it less shitty. It may have been way worse, too, and therefore, funnier. Like that Darby Crash turd they made, the Runaways movie was a disappointment I knew I had coming as soon as I turned it on. I will always be a fan-for-life of the real Germs and Runaways. Those movies don't matter. Joan and her songs do. She is an artist, a survivor, an evolver, and a free radical. Her bad ass music has always brought the lesbian in me out. Magic eyes. Thanks Joan. I love you love me love. Even though Love Stinks. Cheers. Slam yer beers…and so on, and so on, and doody doody doody. (LINK)

Chips

"Chips?"

"Oh, none for me. Thanks."

"Fuck you!!"

Hot Dog

Jolene Van Vugt - There is a female Evel Knievel. Her name is Jolene. She rides with the Nitro Circus crew, a group who's stunts most tough guys would cower from. Not Jolene. She's a chick who could beat your ass, jump it, and then peel out on it, giving you some nice black streaks across your cheeks to remember her by when she's done. She is also extremely beautiful. (LINK Jumpstarts @ 0:50)

Cheeseburger

Jennifer Hudson "I've got the power" Ad - That's not her song. It's KLF. (LINK) Not to be confused with ALF, the lovable puppet who threw one actor into a sweaty crack smoke augmented dementia and breakdown, nor with an ELF the Ethereal Life Forms that exist all around us, which we cannot perceive naturally, now, at this stage in our species' evolution. KLF was a new sound band that was all about London's late 80s-early 90s, ridiculous acid house techno. Now it's a 21st century ass and belly fat loss system pitch. I do like Jennifer's shiny, shiny, grey pussy-pants, though. I like them yeller pussy-pants, too. I suppose that like Natalie Imbruglia's panty collection, I'm torn.* Yarr. Ahoy, me nineties. Oh snap. My bad. That was Snap. (LINK) Too much Acid R&B, B.

(*I'd like to imagine that music video had Natalie violently throwing and tearing up tons of pairs of panties, instead of whatever she was supposed to be doing there.)

Ribs

Some ribs are great. You can give the bones to you pup after you eat 'em. Some ribs are gross and sad. Sometimes, some women get out of control with weight loss. This is because of the tug-o-war between women's sensitive nature and vicious body-image delusions implanted in their minds by other women, men and the media. It's a nasty stupid game. Sadly, it shows no sign of ever going away.

"I seen Jay-Z and Beyonce goin' into the (23rd St Dallas) BBQ's last night."

-some guy

"Nope. No, you didn't."

-some guy's buddy

Wings

Roberta Mancino - So very far beyond Fly. Dardevil, Dancer, Model, Athlete. She's as close to a superhero as you'll ever find in the real world. Nothing more to say. Enough talk. Just watch. Dude, she can fly. (LINK)

Time for Dessert

Who do you gotta bang to get some dessert around here? For dessert, we have a cake from the supermarket, fresh pineapple, and white-flavored ice cream…

Cake

Wow, this cake looks great. It's all nice and cakey. I wonder if the supermarket bakery artisan used an airbrush to decorate it. Only wait…as soon as it touches your mouth it disintegrates because it's pure processed sugar. Not much to it. So what? Maybe you decide to have some cake anyway. Mmmmm. Sugar is good. Damn sweet though.

Pineapple

Pineapple is a nickname for a hand grenade. It's a healthier, smarter, natural option. More refreshing. Pineapple also adds an exotic context to the dessert. Quenches your island thirst. Great with booze, cool water and sun. Hot breeze. Salt air. For an even wilder adventure, sprinkle some black pepper, tajin or togarashi on your pineapple. Spice is nice.

Ice Cream

How can anyone turn down ice cream? Even if it's that air-inflated, discount-ice-cream-sandwich-grade ice cream. Are you crazy? It's an ice cream, ya nincompoop. You're at a party. It's hot. Better get some of this cheap, cheap ice cream before it melts down to nothing.

"Nice girl, but about as sharp as a sack o' wet mice."

-Foghorn Leghorn

Thanks for coming to my BBQ.
All 2 of you.

Feel free to take a plate home.

    -2013 Wielgorecki