"When you're alone, you ask yourself, what are you searching for?"
-Survivor
The following is an anal-Isis* of the first 42 minutes of The Karate Kid 1. For a classic martial arts film, it has some of the worst martial arts choreography in film history. Will Smith attempted to correct this in 2010, through nepotism and Jackie Chan's clout. It sucked. Think of all the young Tony Jaa's and Jet Li's out there who really deserved the role. What a waste. I guess it wasn't such a great franchise afterall. The original KK1 and 2 are the only ones you need to see. Classic, cross-cultural, comedies. Dig the anal-Isis…
(*probably already a porn star name.)
The Beach
Fighting on the beach sucks. If I had to fight a dude on the beach, I would just shoot him, or have him shot from a distance. Fuck sand fighting. The footing is weird. It gets all over you and your fucking boombox. Guys who fight over girls at the beach in font of a crowd are like guys who propose to their girlfriends on a ball game's kiss-cam. Glory-hungry turds. If you're bad, you throw sand with one foot and kick face with the other a nanosecond later. Double Dragon-Tail Sand-Spit. The opponent will fall asleep if you hit the chin just right. Ippon. (LINK)
School
I don't care who you are. Attending the 1st day of school with a black eye automatically makes you a bad ass. Why the fuck would you try to hide it? Get laid.
The Cobra Kai Dojo
Gayest Dojo in the Valley. Bar none. The rage within the Cobras is their repressed homosexuality screaming for release. They can't fuck and suck each other like they want to. This makes them all mad. The sad fact is that they all want to gangbang Daniel-son and so they take their misdirected youthful sexual confusion and frustration out on him with violence. Sucks to be Daniel, son.
Mobile Ambush 1
If those dudes were real motorcrossers they would have been out in the desert doing jumps, rather than chasing down some dork one of their exes wanted to fuck. What a bunch of dipshits.
Halloween Dance
I've seen that shower costume remade well, and shitty at many Halloween parties over the years. The best one had automated bubbles. It was a really cool costume. Creativity is 90% of any cool costume. A bunch of LA beach boys who wear the same costume. Not gay at all, right? The joint that Johnny rolls in the toilet is way more of a joke than him getting soaked. Stop twisting it you shit. Fuck the shower, aryan Leia, and all them skells.
Black Spiderman is the baddest.
Mobile Ambush 2
Why would Daniel-son run so far away from where all the people were if he thought that small group of closet cases was gonna fuck him up? Pretty shitty tactical decision making for a supposedly street smart kid from Newark. Good thing Miyagi was there to fuck those queers up.
 |
| Inter-dimensional Noriyuki-sama Nose-breaker. |
If you have no Mr. Miyagi, you will get your ass beat by the Cobra Kai. Then, they will use their blatant, latent, homoeroticism to do horrible shit to you after the KO, too. The Karate Kid never mattered. He should have stayed in Jersey. He was a lump of shit without Miyagi. A cunt.
But with Miyagi…
You're The Best..Around. (LINK)
"If you really believe you can make it, then the power is in your own hands.."
-also Survivor (LINK)
"He taught him the secret to Karate lies in the mind and heart. Not in the hands."
-Tagline
Later daze...
-2013 Wielgorecki
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