Bloggy Creek: 59 Poop-Culture Phenomena...

I love a good rogues gallery. Spider-man has a great one. So do Batman, Godzilla, and The Turtles. TV has shitloads of 'em. Although, they are mostly on the internet. Here is my contribution to the internet shitload.

The Office: Villains & Rogues

Villains

Jan Levenson- She's a man-eater. Jan Levenson was played by Melora Hardin. Before the Office, she was Monk's dead wife, and stole my boy-heart long ago in 1986's Iron Eagle. As a villain, Jan was probably the most detrimental character to Michael. She had a real power over him. That power was the power of hot sex. Hot sex that got weird. Unlike most bloggarinos out there, I have been a casualty of this type of power in my own life. Really, almost any woman can do it if they want. All it takes is a predatory sex-drive, weirdness, and the compassion of a reptile.

Charles Miner- Named for the 19th Century PA House rep and coal man. Have you ever had a boss like this? A huge asshole with an even more huge chip on his fucking shoulder. Worst kind of guy to work for. Even worse, Miner was a new boss with something to prove, and, worst of all, he was a kiss-ass to his own superiors. Charles Miner was played by the talented British actor, Idris Elba also of Prometheus and American Gangster fame. Elba also plays Hemidall, The Sentry of Asgard again in the upcoming Thor sequel.

Roy Anderson- Preps and jocks are still the popular kids in small towns across the USA. When they grow up, they become Roy fuckin' Anderson. The funny thing was, if Pam had married him she'd have been Pamela Anderson. Roy was played by actor David Denman.

Todd F. Packer- Everybody knows a Todd Packer, and everybody hates him. Most of all, Packer hates himself. Probably the 2nd most detrimental character to Michael. But, really he was a dick to everyone, and we loved it. Packer was played by the very brilliant and hilarious comedy actor, David Koechner.

Rogues

Not quite good guys, not quite bad guys. They only have one loyalty. To themselves.

Deangelo Vickers- Though his stint at the Office was short-lived, it was nothing if not memorable. Deangelo is the nice-guy who turns into a different person when he gets in the boss's chair. In this case because it was Will Ferrell, both sides of this character were hilarious.

"I am the fucking Lizard King."

Robert California- There couldn't be a boss more different than Michael Scott in every way. Lots of people hated this character. I thought he was awesome. James Spader plays him like a comic-book bad guy and it works. As far as the other characters, he didn't harm any of them. Even though he really could have fucked some of them up, bad. This cold compassion is all that excludes him from the villain section.

"Shut up about the SUN!"

Gabe Lewis- No matter how cool you think this dude is with you. He's not. He's Jo's bitch. Loyal to her even before himself, he's just a tattletale. He's really yucky to women and kind of a creep, but, he doesn't do anything that malevolent. This is thanks to Jo, who controls the gangly oaf like a marionette. Gabe Lewis was played by UCB alum Zach Woods.

Cathy Simms-All she wanted was to do was fuck a married dude. Lots of women want this. Lots of them act on it, too. Worldwide. She's certainly no villain. Adultery is as common and normal as a PBJ, a potato, or a bowl of rice. Get used to it y'all. It isn't going anywhere. Both sides. Why not Cathy and Robert California? I'm sure they both would've. Cathy Simms was played by Lindsey Broad.

the 7 devils' dumps...

One night, 7 of the lamest demons in all of Heck, took 7 shits in a circle. As they lit each poopy on fire, they chanted 7 names. And, LO! These TV characters were born.

"dr." phil- (from show of same name)