If you are one of the few sexy transhuman geniuses who read this blog, you may already be aware that I am a huge Weird Al fan. I called Post 62, U62 for fuck's sake. Some say: "Don't meet your heroes." I say:
"See 'em live."
Grabbing Life By The Lips
I Love Rocky Road! Recently, I attended a Weird Al Yankovic concert in Boulder. It was killer. The crowd was great too, despite its largeness. All ages, and diversities were in attendance. Yankovic himself is a marvel. He's a Coyote. A Shaman. He has twice the energy of a man half his age. It is really something to behold. Unlike most of the "artists" he mocks, he also didn't lip-sync shit. Al is one artist who has stood the test of time and culture. This is because of his ability to topple the temples of mainstream media worship while making their "gods" laugh at themselves. In his now, more than 30 year career, he's made fun of everyone. Everyone loved it, too, save for a few idiots. (see Coolio) At the concert, there was an aweome video mashup of just about every single Weird Al pop-culture reference ever made. It's funny to see them all together at once. Between singing, dancing, playing the accordion and frequent costume changes, this dude really works his ass off to give a great show. Legendary.
My madness carried me home. Daring to be stupid, I was white 'n' nerdy, ridin' dirty. I drove fast (safe car). The ghost of Charles Nelson Reilly stomped ahead of me, his mighty neckerchief flapping in the howling mountain wind, clearing a path of Godzilla-esque destruction that was easy to follow home to my pup. It was the best show I'd been to in years. Determined not to experience it through a phone or camera, I shot pictures only with my mind's eye. Sorry about that. If you enjoy laughter, music parody, and fun, go see Weird Al live when he comes to your town. In the meantime…Website Al: (LINK) Video Al: (LINK) Blog Al: (LINK)
Thanks, The 70's
The movie Dazed and Confused was, for some dumb reason, the American Graffiti for my generation. A tale told out of time to a sympathetic, nostalgic audience who just wanted weed. Catch phrases abound, and if you were some kinda high school big shot, you probably still think Dazed and Confused is the coolest. Here's a way to make it cooler:
The New Dazed and Confused Soundtrack
To create this new soundtrack, I didn't really do shit. I just muted the dvd and played a bunch of songs until I found the right ones. The times indicate points in the movie where the actual movie soundtrack could be muted, then these songs could play.
00:00:56 Mike Watt- Against The 70s (LINK)
00:10:53 TSOL- Peace Through Power (LINK)
00:18:12 Agent Orange- Bloodstains (LINK)
00:38:33 Dead Milkmen- Bitchin' Camaro (LINK)
00:41:47 Bad Religion- Get Off (LINK)
00:47:41 Circle Jerks- World Up My Ass (LINK)
00:54:40 Circle Jerks- Wild in the Streets (LINK)
01:04:20 Angry Samoans- They Saved Hitler's Cock (LINK)
01:36:00 Neil Young- Leave The Driving (LINK)
Nothing says the 70's like a Neil Young, 80's Punk band, and Ed Ved sandwich. I guess D&C was a pretty good one. McConaughey was hilarious, and the car porn was tastefully done. Mike Watt kills.
That 70's House
Did you or one of your friends live in one of these? They still dot the American landscape but many have been destroyed in the McMansion Wars. I wonder what ever happened to the sets from TV's The Foreman Home? If they still stand, I hope they're being used for porn. The Brady Bunch home was sort of the prototype for these houses. If I ever owned one of those 70's homes, I would fix that shit all up. I'd stock the bar up real nice. I'd rip out all the grass outside and put in astro turf. Once a week, I'd waste the gas and oil necessary to pretend to mow my pretend lawn. I'd install sprinklers too. There would be a serious irrigation and drainage system for my astro-lawn. Inside, on every bare wall, would be enormous, extreme close-up, monochrome photographs of 70's TV stars like Don Knotts, Lynda Carter, Ron Howard, Danny Bonaduce, Lee Majors, Jacklyn Smith, Lou Ferrigno, Farrah, and Pam Grier. The backgrounds of these photos would be solid colors. The walls of my 70's house would be psychedelically carpeted same as the floor, and there would be an antique Playboy pinball machine in the dining room. I wouldn't call it That 70's House, though, because that would be fucking stupid.
GastroNirvana
Let me be curt. I love Nirvana. I love food. I am a Weird Al, Al-colyte. Here goes...
Cheese N Crackers
Let's get some cheese n crackers
Maybe we should get beer first
I'm sure we'll need some water
Cooler's on the back porch
Get the cheese
Get some meat
Get some chips
Get some wings
Bakery lady lied
Dessert to sell
Crackers left
On the shelf
Get some dope
Get some cope
Cookies too
Big League Chew
Seafood dude, he lied
Surf to sell
Crackers left
On the shelf
Let's get some cheese n crackers
We forgot a bunch of food
We need a new lighter
Looks like this one is through
Get more cheese
Get some tea
Get cool whip
Some ice cream
Butcher dude, he lied
Skirts to sell
Crackers left
On the shelf
Get some dope
Get some hope
Pretzels too
Local brews
Deli lady lied
Wurst to sell
Crackers left
On the shelf
Aw shit
I got cheese on my black shirt
Guess no one's as dumb as me
Cheese caught me off my guard
I better wash it off before it stinks
Get the cheese
Get some meat
Get some chips
Get some wings
Bakery lady lied
Dessert to sell
Crackers left
On the shelf
Get some dope
Get some cope
Cookies too
Big League Chew
Seafood dude, he lied
Surf to sell
Crackers left
On the shelf
Braise Me
Braise me
Braise me, my friend
Braise me
Braise me, again
Cookin me slow and low, Aaah 4x
Baste me
Do it and do it again
Marinate me
Braise me, my friend
Cookin me slow and low, Aaah 4x
Please enjoy the first course
While sauce soaks in my pours
When you braise you learn
It's less likely to burn
Braise me
Braise me, My friend
Braise me
Braise me, again
Cookin me slow and low, Aaah 4x
Braise me! (Braise me!) 8x
Braise me!!!
Decorative Seed
I am inside the range 3x
Hot air's blown
I am getting to be 3x
Toast
I'm a decorative seed 3x
On a bun (pronounced "bone")
I'm a decorative seed 3x
and I'm (scream)
Baker's little bun ain't his dough no more 6x
I am inside the range 3x
Hot air's blown
This is getting to be 3x
Toast
I'm a decorative seed 3x
On a bun (pronounced "bone")
I'm a decorative seed 3x
And I'm (scream)
Baker's little bun ain't his dough no more 6x
(You know the rest….)
Something In This Cake
Underneath my teeth
I can just feel my feet
And the things that I can see
I know that they aren't there
And I think it might be grass
As they drip tiles off the ceiling
Is it OK to eat this,
Till you don't feel any feelings?
Something in this cake
Oooooooo
Something in this cake, yeah
Oooooooo
3x
Underneath my teeth
I can just feel my feet
And the things that I can see
I know that they aren't there
And I think it might be grass
As they drip tiles off the ceiling
Is it OK to eat this,
Till you don't feel any feelings?
Something in this cake
Oooooooo
Something in this cake, yeah
Oooooooo
5x
Burger Circus
World famine has paid off well
Now I'm bored of that
People aren't as stupid now
All my clowns got fat
If we bloat some of the flock
We will not be caught
A down payment for another
Month of lawyer talk
Burger Circus- Oh No x3
Burger Circus
It pays for my divorce and for my whores
Eat my food and you will hurt
My food's really bad
I don't care or really bother
Pay me. Grab the bag
I just want you to eat and buy
Come on back, evermore
Take a combo, on your way
You dirty burger whore
Burger Circus- Oh No x3
Burger Circus
It pays for my divorce and for my whores
All A Pile Of Cheese
What else should it be? All a pile of cheese
What else could I say? Cheese comes in a spray
What kind do you like? Check the cheese website
What else should it be? All a pile of cheese
This world's dumb, This world's dumb, but so much fun
This world's dumb, but so much fun
Cheese tray, Cheese array
If you want to eat food, you will have to poop
Cheese won't make you tall, Cheese contains some salt
Cheese is not a game, Cheese made me insane
Bun burn, cheeser burn, breaking all the cheese up into little cheese
This world's dumb, This world's dumb, but so much fun
This world's dumb, but so much fun
Fuck it, Cheese tray
Cheese tray, Cheese array
Yeah Yeah Yeah, Cheese
All is dumb and all is smart
All is dumb and all is smart
All is dumb and all is smart...
We are the music makers. We are the dreamers of the dreams. See you next time.
-2013 Wielgorecki
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