8 Hate-Date: Why Dating Still Sucks in 2012

NOTE: These are all my opinions. They are presented dogmatically, and based entirely on my own real experiences. I am a weird, nerdy, older guy who (I've been told) is stuck, very much, in my "dreamer" mentality. This is why I am alone, re-watching "Story of Riki" for the 20th time tonight, while writing a blog no one reads, rather than enjoying the loving embrace and laughter of a wonderful, pragmatic woman. Please don't mistake any of this as an attempt of any kind to give advice. Such an endeavor would be pretty fucking comical.

"Twix: 2 for me, none for you."

I believe this ad campaign came out around 1997. This is just a nano-indication of the collective mentality of the youth of the latter day 20th century. Sharing is bad. Caring is bad. Total self absorption is mandatory and "cool". By 2000 we (America, mostly) had more than just adopted this thinking. It had become instinct for many. Including especially the weak-willed, closed, and simple-minded. The shallow, and cheap-souled were held aloft, celebrated and idolized. All one had to do to be considered an "artist" was to take without giving and look good while doing it. 

Flash forward: 2012. Not much has changed at all. These facile values are still the cornerstones of the Nintendo and Super Nintendo (or "Internet") generations' general collective consciousnesses. Public image, and lifestyle obsession are still paramount. Affluence and nihilism are still, somehow, ignorantly equated with some imaginary form of talent. However, in the sordid chronicles of human history, this is nothing at all new.

There are exceptions to this, of course. There have been, are, and always will be people who choose to create their own value-systems, lifestyles and philosophies rather than to have them spoon fed. They soar like hawks above those poor cattle who are constantly being herded to the next trendy slaughterhouse of the mind. It would be very easy to name multiple, specific parties of both varieties, but, I feel like this would deviate from the point of this particular, pointless writ.

Dating really does suck. Especially for straight men in 2012, USA. Internet dating. Real-life dating. (the old fashioned kind where you actually, in-person, ask out a girl you like, yourself…remember that?) Most of the time, you are going to go out of your way to meet someone who doesn't like you. It's just like any other job interview, or audition. Thanks to all the misogynistic, date-rapist, lurk-nasty, douches still out there who stalk the bars of America with GHB, fratty grunts, and worn, well-bent ball caps, women today (perhaps necessarily) screen their dates super hard. You may as well bring a criminal background check and resume with you. I wish this was an exaggeration.

Also, lots of 21st century women suffer from a severe goddess complex. Even women who should maybe have a little humility are ballooned out of control with egotism. This complex is fed by the desperate, pussy-men of today who seem to have no limit in the depth of their own self-submission. Opinions? Forget about it. These twits are willing to erase their personal individuality completely, act and dress as they're told, and wait around like saps just for the tiniest chance to earn themselves a possibility of a moment inside these mediocre narcissists' panties. Busy, busy, busy is the way of the walk for these false-praise-swollen princesses. If you're not super busy- you're nothin'. These modern single females have gone from can-do to overdone. 

I, personally, am a male feminist. I believe we are all much, much more than our traditional accepted gender generalities. I believe in TOTAL sexual equality. Sadly, a lot of today's so-called feminists, are just femme-fascists. Their master-race is, instead, a master-gender. They don't see the time-proven value of both sexes, like real feminists do. They come to all their dates armed with misinformed indignation and an unrealistic sense of entitlement. They will make you feel as important as a fucking Chinese door menu. Mr. Right, for them, is really just Mr. Right-now-do-what-I-say.

Any deviation from total submission is a turn off for these (now) common specimens. Men like me, who are more individualistic, and likely to stand up for ourselves are quickly deleted from smart phones, left sitting at lonely abandoned tables or next to warm, empty bar stools wondering what we did wrong. What's wrong is we weren't the submissive little man-bitches they were looking for. Good riddance.   

It's a symptom of today's overstimulated minds that certain women have developed this need for unreasonably constant affirmation and ass-kissing. I get it. That's why I'll never do it. I know there are good women out there who believe in equality like I do. It just doesn't seem worth it to sift through a seemingly endless bouquet of histrionic, manic, narcissistic, neurotic, sexists. Their battle cry is: "It's my world - you just live in it." Sounds to me like someone doesn't want to share her fucking Twix.

While, a date with the femme-fascist or goddess-complex chick is quite an annoying time, what is even more obnoxious is wasting time in pursuit of a serious relationship with a slut. Make no mistake. Men are usually much sluttier than women, and I do not use this term as a slur. I have no problem at all with women who truly enjoy a fuck. I think people who do disapprove of them are either handicapped by overzealous religious/moral rearing, or they simply have limited or no sexual capability themselves. Sluts are people too, they deserve respect, and sometimes sex is just sex, depending on how the 2 people actually feel about each other.  

As I have indicated in the NOTE above, I am in no way an authority on love, dating or relationships at fucking all. All of my romantic relationships have failed as my parents' did before me. The difference was that my parents spent decades of wasted time together, half-loving/half-hating one another. Lots of baby-boomers did that. I know lots of people and friends who's families did the same. I was, myself, engaged twice. Once when I thought I was ready for it. Once when I knew I wasn't. I hold on to no pride nor shame in either failure. I thus avoided the even bigger failures of a shitty marriage, inevitable cuckolding, divorce court, and explaining to beautiful children I would have loved far more than myself why sometimes Mommies and Daddies have to split up. Or even worse, to watch them love and call her next dude, Dad, while I payed all their bills. Another 2 bullets to add to the multitude I've dodged so far in life.     

I suppose I could go on and on about dating and how it has always sucked. How expectations are disappointments clad in the masks of imaginations. But I won't. I am sure this all sounds cynical and whiny to people who are in what they believe to be healthy relationships. Those who would balk, half-sneezing laughter at my extremely, personally-biased sociological commentary. I can't blame them. I haven't given up on humanity. I am very aware that there are lots of great people who have fantastic relationships.

I guess I am sort of glad that people can find real happiness in symbiotic unions. Lucky them. In some ways, I am just as selfish as those I've previously condemned. I may just be a skeptic and a cynic when it comes to love and romance. A part of me craves it. The hard truth I must accept is that I might just not contain the mental/emotional interface necessary for it. I do love my dog, though, and would gladly die in place of him without an instant of hesitation. I look in those eyes and see that same love and loyalty returned. No woman in the world can ever offer me anything close to that.      

Between now and my death, I have no plans to date anyone ever again. Getting laid is just a fun, spontaneous luxury to me now. I have no desire to try and convince anyone to like me. Leave that to the innumerable, dumb and desperate. I don't care if I die old and alone in the majesty of the mountains. Many years from now, my rotting, musty bones mourned over only by the howling of my loyal pack of dogs. All these words, read by an anonymous few, to be forgotten and lost to time. Buried and biodegraded like everyone and everything someday will be.
Shit, Kansas/Bill & Ted put it better-

"All we are…is dust in the wind, dude."

Catch ya later, dudes and dudettes…and for fuck's sake, please be excellent to each other.

-2012 Wielgorecki

7 Omae Wa Mou. Shinderu. - Hokuto Shinken ain't nuthin ta fuck wit!!

This is a NerdPostXclusive...

NOTE: This is only a very minimal summary. No major spoilers here.

All brackets = [rough translation from Japanese.] 

"199X - The earth was engulfed in nuclear flames…"

Hokuto No Ken [Fist of the Big Dipper] - a manga conceived in 1983 by mangaka artist Tetsuo Hara and writer Sho "Buronson" Fumimura (so named for his great respect for, and mustache purposely resembling Charles Bronson) is one of the most complex and imaginative narratives in all of comic book history. 

Known to Americans as "Fist of the North Star". I don't think this completely insane tale has ever gotten the respect that it truly deserves here in the U.S. Although, it is quite popular, mainstream entertainment in Nippon. This story, like Godzilla, is an expression of Japan's Euro-Americatomically broken heart. It speculates as to perhaps the most horrific hypothetical aspect of post-nuclear war: How would the survivors cope with the fallout? More importantly, it is a classic story of love, revenge, hope and survival following several heroes, villains and rogues over many overlapping story arcs. 

The collected mythos includes: the original 245 chapter Manga with 6 spin-off series, a 152 episode animated TV series, a prequel manga series started in 2001("Fist of the Blue Sky" which had it's own TV series as well), 2 animated feature films, a 5 film series ("Legends of the True Savior"), a really, really shitty American live-action film and about 36 different video games. Not to mention countless merchandise and toys/model-otaku. Most intriguingly, though, it also includes it's own extremely vast, violent, crazy-as-fuck, fictional, empty-hand martial arts systems.      

"Horrific art of assassination was passed down for 2000 years. The Divine Fist of the North Star, under the seven stars, repeatedly bring tragedies to those who inherit it..."

The Martial Arts:

Hokuto Shinken - [Divine Fist of the Big Dipper] Kenshiro's style. It's kind of like Kenpo/Jeet Kune Do/Iron Shirt/Dim Mak creatively combined. Coolest moves: (all moves are prefixed by "North Star") -  Hundred Crack Fist, Thousand Chained Kicks, Fist of Compassion, Softness Ripping Slash, Strangling Neck Break, Twin Dragon Wave, Flying Defensive Fist, Chest Killing Fist, Muscle Cutting Kick, Nothingness Finger Bullet, Boulder Splitting Wave, Meteorite Face Breaking Kick. There are a ton of "secret" (made-up) acupressure meridian points and dozens of other moves too. All with equally crazy-ass names.

Nanto Seiken - [Sacred Fist of the South Dipper] Shin/Rei's style. Consisting of Nanto Roku Seiken  [Six Sacred Fists of Nanto] each of which has a different master. Also called Fist of the Southern Cross, it resembles the Northern Styles of Kung Fu especially White Crane, but also aspects of Dim Mak and Wing Chun. Crazy-named moves include: (with "South Star" prefix) Hell Slaughter Fist, Wicked Wolf Attack, Hawk Talon Triangle Kick, Thousand Dragon Head Attack, Flying Swallow Slash, Expansive Flight of Red Sparrow, Flowing Dance of Flying Swallow, Soaring White Loveliness. It's wild, man, wild. 

The Cast:

Ryuken - 63rd Master of Hokuto Shinken. Ryuken adopted the four orphaned Hokuto Brothers: Raoh, Toki, Jagi, and Kenshiro. Only one of the four can be sole successor to the style. The others must have their fists "sealed"(hands crippled) or their minds erased of the teachings. In the "Fist of the Blue Sky" prequel series he is revealed to be Kasumi Ramon, brother of Kasumi Kenshiro AKA Yen Wang: "The King of Hell" 62nd successor to the style, for whom the orphan Kenshiro was named.  

Kenshiro - What would happen if Mad Max, Bruce Lee, Eastwood in the Leone films, and Jesus Christ mutated into one man? Easy, Kenshiro. (AKA Ken, The Man with 7 Scars, The Savior of Century's End, Youngest of the 4 Hokuto Brothers, 64th Successor of Hokuto Shinken) Ken is betrayed by a rival (Shin) who cuts his arm and leg joints, tortures him and leaves him with 7 scars (in the shape of the Big Dipper via 7 holes poked through his torso BY HAND!) to die in the dust of the nuclear wasteland. Ken, of course, survives and comes fists blazing for revenge. In his resurrected state Ken becomes more powerful and merciless. Despite his extreme brutality, he often takes the Christ-style route healing, protecting and saving innocent, peaceful people from the multitude of raiders and marauders who prowl the wastes attempting to rob, rape, torture and enslave them. Sometimes he even shows his enemies similar compassion. Mostly, though, he just beats the shit out of guys, hitting them with lightning speed in multiple hidden acupressure points causing them to explode from the inside. Messy as fuck. Usually, just before the bastards burst open they beg for mercy to which Ken always replies with his catch phrase: "Omae wa mou - Shinderu…" [ You're already dead… ]

Yuria - (Not Urea but pronounced the same.) Kenshiro's old lady. Kidnapped by his rival who has her lavishly imprisoned in the tallest tower of his militarized city: "Southern Cross". Here, he obsessively attempts to win her favor by spoiling her with clothes, jewels and various finery in which she has absolutely no interest. Her love for Ken perseveres and she attempts both suicide and escape...

Shin- (AKA: King) One of the Nanto Seiken "6 Sacred Fists". Shin is the Master of Nanto Koshuken [South Star Lone Eagle Fist] and Ken's friend and rival.  His long time infatuation with Yuria (along with some coaxing from Kenshiro's jealous brother, Jagi) causes him to attack Ken and begins the first story arc.

Rei - Another of the 6 Nanto Masters. Rei is successor to Nanto Suichoken [South Star Waterfowl Fist] Also, bent on revenge, he searches relentlessly through the wasteland for his kidnapped sister Airi. He is even faster than Ken and his technique slices his enemies into sectional ribbons. He and Ken eventually cross paths and become friends. Together they take on and destroy The Fang Clan. 

   

Raoh - He's the Post-apocalyptic version of Alexander The Great. (AKA Ken-Oh [King of Fists], Conqueror of Century's End, Eldest Of the 4 Hokuto Brothers) Raoh is the strongest of the 4 Hokuto brothers. He is consumed with megalomania. He felt slighted when Ryuken named Kenshiro as the true successor of Hokuto Shinken, so he murdered the old master. Raoh traverses all over the wasteland on his mighty steed, Kokuoh seizing land and building his army. All those who stand in the way of his ruthless campaign, are destroyed.

Toki - 2nd eldest of the Hokuto Brotherhood. Master of his own technique: Hokuto Ujo Ken [North Star Humane Fist], which kills its target with compassion and euphoria. Toki uses the secret meridians of Hokuto Shinken as a healing art. He suffers from great hardships following the nuclear conflict including radiation poisoning which turns his hair white. He chooses to wander the wasteland as a nomadic healer and comes across a village where all the inhabitants have fallen ill. He heals them all and the town becomes known as "The Village of Miracles". He is subsequently taken by Raoh's army and imprisoned in the dungeon city of "Cassandra" to await his inevitable irradiated death...

Jagi - (AKA - The Pretender) The worst asshole of the whole series. Jagi is the least skilled of the 4 brothers. He never mastered Hokuto Shinken, and relies instead on deceit to defeat his enemies. He favors a sawed-off shotgun over his fists. Fucking shameful. He fans the flames of Shin's jealousy, inspiring him to attack Ken. This is after he tried to kill Ken himself but failed. Rather than kill his brother, Kenshiro (in true Jesus Christ style) spares him out of pity, although Jagi is irreversibly disfigured by the fight. Thinking Kenshiro was killed by Shin, Jagi poses as him, sporting the tell-tale 7 scars to inspire fear in his subordinates and enemies. He is also the one who kidnapped Rei's sister Airi, and sold her as a slave to the Fang Clan. Ken tells this ugly, miserable bastard how it is, better than anyone: "Jagi, even hell isn't blistering enough for you!!"

Rin - She is saved from the "Zeed" bandit leader who's about to crush her tiny skull by the freshly resurrected Kenshiro. At first she appears mute but this is revealed to be a psychosomatic result of her previously witnessing the brutal slaughter of her family. Ken heals her and she is able to speak again. She has a teeny, tiny dog named Pel, and seems to reflect the fragile innocence that was lost in the war as well as its resistance to the horrors of the wasteland. She follows Kenshiro around during his adventures with her friend...

Bat - Hokuto No Ken's attempt at comic relief. Bat (pronounced Batou) is a smart-ass little thief and mechanic who has a sand buggy that he drives the hero characters around in from quest to quest. He cares deeply for Rin. His mouth is always getting him into trouble with the wasteland goons. But when you have an undead, superhuman martial arts master as your road buddy, you don't have to worry about them so much.

For me, the most enjoyable thing about this franchise is the TV series. All 152 episodes are currently available to watch, for free, on Crackle/Hulu (if you don't mind ads and subtitles). It is so weird and anatomically ridiculous, yet despite its wackiness, it still manages to have an incredible heart. At the time of its conception, nuclear war was still a very real threat worldwide. Unlike the almost dis-informative American nuke-scare films of the 1950s, Fist of the North Star was intended to be a sensitively deliberated, creative, and sincere warning to the world. Its packaging, however, is ultra-violent, surreal and not really designed for digestion by the traditionally western mind.

Since my trip to Japan this past spring I have a greater appreciation for the often hilarious cultural and language barriers that exist between we Americans and our Japanese friends. I have spent a lot of time in my life infiltrating these barriers. It has been said that laughter is the universal language. I believe this is definitely true. Here now, are some of the crazy, super-dramatic, actual real translated names of some of the episodes. If you can't find any humor in these or in the crazy fictional martial art move names either maybe "you're already dead."

In the tradition of Rocky and Bullwinkle all the episodes have two titles...kind of:

ep 6 "Search Order from Satan. - Find the Man with the Seven Scars!"

ep10 "The Raging Flame Reverse Flow Punch! - There are Too Many Who Must Die!"

ep20 "Nightmarish Full-Scale War! - My Fist is 1 Million Volts!"

ep 37 "Instead, I Shall Reject Love! - For I Bear the Cursed Star of Death!!"

ep 48 "An Explosion of Secret Techniques! - BEYOND HATRED IS THE FATE FOR THE BROTHERS OF THE NORTH STAR!"

ep 59 "The Darkness Engulfs The Heavens! - Time Evolves Beyond The Deathmatch!!"

ep 63 "A Young Hero Challenges His Fate! - Scream From Your Soul Shall Move The Heavens!!"

ep 97 "Farewell Yuria! - A Strong Man Will Not Speak of Love, Even in Death!!

Oh, and if you really want to laugh your ass off - watch the 1995, US, live-action attempt at the story.

WARNING! - Do NOT watch unless you have an iron stomach for schlock. Starring Gary Daniels (AKA: DarthMaul/Toad) as Kenshiro, Malcom McDowell as Ryuken, and Chris Penn as Jagi. However, if you're a nerd like me, and prefer a slightly more authentic, animated cheese, watch this: LINK.

Until next time...

-2012 Wielgorecki

This has been a NerdPostXclusive.

6 ProtoGaGa - Dale Bozzio: Missing Person.

"What are words for? When no one listens anymore…"

If you fall-into/follow the "matrix" of theories and philosophies of Jean Baudrillard, you may believe that there is no such thing as an original. That everything is just a copy of a copy of a copy. Don't get me wrong, talking ideas and philosophy has gotten many of us all laid over the years. It's not totally wasteful. I even agree with Simulation's idea to a certain point…and that point intersects in L.A. in 1980 with Dale Bozzio. 

Admit it. You thought this was a picture of Lady Gaga. Sorry folks, but GaGa is a fucking poseur, just as Gwen Stefani kind of was and Madonna definitely was before her. These chicks owe a lot more to Bozzio than they'll ever acknowledge. Almost no one under 40 even knows who this wild, sexy, talented genius is today.
Let me fill you in… 

To start out, she was a Playboy Bunny in Boston. "Bunny of the Year", 1976. After turning down Hugh Hefner's offer to live with him at the Playboy Mansion, she worked with Frank Zappa on his 1979 "Joe's Garage" series. In 1980 with her then-husband/Zappa-drummer, Terry Bozzio and then-Zappa guitarist Warren Cuccurullo (later of Duran Duran fame) she formed the, now, much overlooked, under-appreciated, conceptual, new wave band - Missing Persons. 

Missing Persons had several hits, none of which penetrated the top 10 in the US. The one that came closest, "Walking in L.A.", made it to #12 on the Billboards in 1983. Other songs of note include: "Words", "Destination Unknown", "Bad Streets", "Mental Hopscotch" and "Windows", none of which penetrated the top 20. 

Bozzio on the cover of Hustler Feb 1980

Dale was known especially for being hot, her unique, squeaky voice, and her wild, colorful, outlandish costumery, all of which she created herself. She was quoted in a 1984 "People" magazine interview as saying: "We're living proof that you can achieve anything, if only you have faith in yourself. And in the power of see-through plastic." Due to tensions with her husband/drummer, and, I'm guessing, seriously intense drug use, Missing Persons broke up in 1986.

In my opinion, their music has held up well. I consider it to be an eerie, poppy zeitgeist of the 1980's Los Angeles wasteland. I guess "the light that burns twice as bright burns only half as long". Yet, it still reflects itself brilliantly. Even on the dullest, blackest freeways, who hide their thousands of pretty, invisible horrors in silent, indifferent time. 

Why wouldn't Madonna or GaGa ever give any kind of credit at all to Bozzio's innovations? Or, for her obvious influence on their own ridiculously immense successes? The answer is simple. They are both total fucking poseur-opportunists and they know it. Sure, Blondie and Wendy O. Williams may have possibly been slightly influential on Bozzio, but, all three of them seem to me to be too close in chronology and unique from each other.

In a world where the media powers believe we are dumb enough to think that Battleship would be a good movie, or that a Red Dawn remake starring Thor is a cool idea, and in a country where our election news now resembles a shit-fight in a tabloid monkey house, it will be hard to find true originals like Dale Bozzio if they're out there. That's what happens when people eat their own cultural poop smeared with cheap, chocolate frosting and ask for seconds. Eventually, that is all that will be served.

There is a way to avoid this. Don't eat the turd in the first place. Seek out originality. Don't fall into the sluggish, barren, euphoria of ignorance, nor the easy seduction of philosophical complexification and apathy. I don't think Bozzio will ever get the recognition she deserves until her death. But I'm sure if Kristin Stewart has a damn nip-slip that week it will quickly eclipse Bozzio's entire legacy.

In the end, idiots killed this video star. Greed and the cowardice of plagiarism will always have the power to bury original art, if we give it to them.

"When no one listens…there's no use talking at all."         

-Love ya, D.B.

-2012 Wielgorecki

5 Chavez Jr. vs Martinez: Argentinian Beef

Lets not get it twisted- I am just a boxing fan. I don't think I'm a sports writer. This is not a sports blog. Unless the stars fall from the sky and the Bears win a Super Bowl or the Cubs ever get another Pennant you will never read a word about any ball sports here. I'm a street-nerd not a jocko-homo. OK so let's jump right into the main event! Shall we? (read in your best Howard Cosell voice)

First, a little background about these 2 very talented fighters...

Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. (Mexico, 48-0, 32 by KO) - Son of living legend, Hall of Famer, JC Chavez, Chavez Jr. was the undefeated WBC Mid-weight Champion. He'd most recently retained this title via TKO against Ireland's Andy Lee (28-2, 20 by KO). Lee, a southpaw like Martinez, spent most of the time in the corners, exploiting his slight reach advantage to fend off Chavez's onslaughts. Chavez continued to push Lee into the corners but like most fighting Irishmen, Lee refused to be confined. Instead he engaged the champ in an all-out brawl. As they traded punches, Chavez's consitently devastating left hooks wore Lee down forcing him back into the corners again. At 2:21 in round 7 WBC Official Lawrence Cole ended the fight which looked surely as though it would've ended otherwise in a KO by Chavez Jr. It is his ability to take punishment and then unleash on his opponents with reserves of energy in those final rounds that proved most impressive last night.     

Sergio "Maravilla" Martinez (Argentina, 49-2, 28 by KO) - Martinez is a fantastic athlete. Previously a pro cyclist and soccer player, Martinez entered his pro boxing career at 21 and was, before this fight, at age 37 ranked 3rd pound for pound in the world. It is impossible to mention this fighter without mentioning his rivalry with fellow southpaw Paul Williams. For their first fight, both these endurance brawlers traded knockdown for knockdown with Williams winning by upset decision after 12 spectacular rounds. In the second fight, round 1 had Williams leading on the scorecard, but after 1:00 into round 2 Maravilla delivered a cataclysmic left-hook that put Williams momentum to sleep, literally. Sadly, Williams was paralyzed in a motorcycle accident in Georgia earlier this year. Erasing any hope of a 3rd bout. Martinez, previous to this fight, had taken "The Ring" magazine middleweight title from Kelly Pavlik by unanimous decision. In his last fight, vs "The Tipperary Tornado", Matt Macklin, Maravilla displayed his fantastic stamina again. After an equally impressive exhibit of his power and accuracy, Macklin's corner ended the fight at the close of round 11. Like Chavez, he's an all-arounder. Capable of both strategy and surprise.    

The Fight: 

Everyone knew this was going to be a good fight. I don't think anyone knew just how good. This was the best fight I have witnessed in years. It was one of those times where you realize you may be witnessing sports history as it is happening. Both fighters exchanged blow for blow from the onset. However it was Martinez who controlled the whole fight. He kept connecting. It seemed both combatants were trying to deliver glorious KO's with every punch fired. Neither man achieved this end, but, by rounds 11-12, I was watching some of the best boxing nay, one of the best fights that I had ever seen. When we all saw the young Chavez's adrenaline arc blast of energy in that 12th round, I'm sure many of us thought Martinez could be knocked out in those last minutes. He was knocked down repeatedly, but he endured. The room literally ERUPTED!!! There was no way anyone could've heard the final bell, but in the end this was scorecard fight in which Martinez more than earned the win. These were 2 smart boxers, both exhibiting endurance, accuracy, and a shitload of heart. I don't think that Chavez ever faced an opponent so evenly matched with him before. Drop back and reload gentlemen, your re-match is most certain. UPDATED: Chavez Jr. (48-1) Martinez (50-2)

See you next week.

 -2012 Wielgorecki

4 Summer Media Melee! Batman 3 vs. Max Payne 3 = No Fuckin' Contest.

This is a NerdPostXclusive...

NOTE: the word "modern" in this post is meant to be the dictionary definition of the word. NOT the bullshit art school meaning.

Let's start with Batman, or "The Batman" as he is referred to in Christopher Nolan's completely convoluted, constantly self-affirming movies based on the character. It took me a while to finally go see this film. Not because of that local neo-trenchcoat retard pussy boy and his equally convoluted, psycho, celebrity-obsessed rampage in Aurora, but because I knew it would be bad and have no desire to use, nor access to, the kinds of drugs that make this kind of crap palatable to my brain. I went to see it anyway.

The first big mistake this franchise made was trying to turn this character from a comic book superhero into a purportedly realistic/modern vigilante. This Batman is darker, he's an icon, yes, but in the trilogy's conclusion this is forcibly stuffed into our skulls over and over. A friend of mine warned me about this before I went to see it. "The Batman is a symbol" OK we get it.

By ripping off most of Frank Miller's "Year One" story from 1987, (I thought) Nolan had made a decent film with the series' opener. I was able to overlook the ridiculous voice Bale used, Katie Holmes and the nerd in me was able to overlook the creative liberties taken with the character's origin.

       

In the second film, arguably the best of the 3, we bear witness to the graphic, albeit, self-imposed mental and possibly spiritual demolition of a young actor. Jack Nicholson was quoted as saying "I warned him." when he was asked about playing the character/Ledger's death. Rubberneckers worldwide (including myself and almost everyone I know) pumped more than half a billion bucks into the franchise to watch, ensuring the production of a 3rd film. 

Which brings us to "Dark Knight Rises"- as usual, the action sequences are all well shot and the special effects are extremely well-crafted. Michael Caine although reading very lame and whiny lines delivered his usual excellent acting, as did Morgan Freeman. I also enjoyed Nolan's interpretation of the Bane character. His writers have, overall, done a fairly decent job of molding the Batman rogues gallery to suit his elaborate mythos. Life gives you lemons? You better have sugar too. Not to mention the very well executed plot/knife twist towards the end. 

All in all it's not a bad stand-alone action movie. It is when Nolan takes this simple action movie formula and tries (like his films have with their central character) to choke its audience with air-puffed drama and unnecessary iconography that its epic failures ensue. 

Why does Bale have to use that muppet monster voice? I find myself laughing at his every line, much like the hilarious girls who were in the audience when I first saw "Dark Knight" in NY years ago. I suppose as a man-diva actor, he has to remain consistent even when we are all laughing at him. Kevin Conroy, the voice-actor who played Batman in the early 90s animated series used a growly voice too, but, it was much more subdued and intelligent. These two words will obviously never be associated honestly with Bale. Also, as the title character, he only appeared in about 15 minutes of film during a 156 minute, bloated behemoth.

Let's think about Catwoman now. Mmmmm. Catwoman. Not so much in this movie. Why couldn't it have been a beautiful black woman? Anne Hathaway, minus that padded catsuit is a pale, dumpy, boney woman with a really pretty smile as long as it's smothered in a shitload of red lipstick. (Batman himself was also equally liptastick in this one. I guess it's easy to get chapped lips while tearing' ass around on that bat-cycle.) She is also a very very good actress and showed off her skills in this movie as much as it would allow her to. I'm just saying that as a sex symbol? …anyway, I know when I'm being lied to.  

It's true, as it is of almost all critics, that I have no room to talk. I've never even made a movie that wasn't a bunch of other people's shit edited together to make it seem funny (to me). I have no idea how hard it is to try and create a film that is supposed to be a modern, original, interpretation of an internationally beloved icon while at the same time trying to satisfy my own creative interests and dealing with crybaby actors, and producers/executives who believe their creative insight is important to my project. I am glad I don't. I guess that's the price one pays for commercial success in the film industry these days. I believe Bane said it best in the Bat-back-breaker scene- Chris Nolan: "victory has defeated you."

Now everyone go watch the Tim Burton version again.

So, yeah, Max Payne. I first played and loved this game on a PC the week before I moved to NY in late October 2002.  It was the first 3rd person shooter I had ever played. That combined with the gritty-as-fuck storyline, the fun, comic-book-style cutscenes, brutal gameplay, and matrixy bullet time effect made it super addictive. I played through it twice that week, excited for a hard-boiled, badass NY that I sort-of knew no longer existed. Nevertheless, the fantasy was fantastic.

I don't know how or why, but it seems only fitting that Rockstar Games, the supreme American Juggernaut of the video game industry, decided to pick up this franchise. I am so glad they did. I have played just about every game these brilliant designers have put out since GTA3. Each one has been better than the last. Max Payne 3 is no exception. If you don't believe me - play it.

Perhaps this is just more evidence that the film industry is simply unable to compete with what the video game industry can offer their audiences these days. The insane pace and interactive hand-eye experience of playing a graphically gorgeous, plot-driven game vs. going to any mediocre masturbatory film made with a bloated budget by some out-of-touch ivory tower Hollywood assholes is no contest at all. Just look at how shitty the Max Payne movie (w/ Marky Mark as Max?!?) was.        

I believe the time has come that the film industry needs to take a page from these brilliant game creators/designers. Time for things to get real. The real world of crime is very very ugly, dirty, and mean. We all know this is true. When it appears to be artistically presented accurately, we even like it this way. Max Payne, like Bruce Wayne, is a tragic character, bent on avenging a murdered family. Only he doesn't put on a whole mess of lipstick and talk in a silly, unnaturally grumbly voice as he realizes this revenge. Max (as you) tears through the realistic dirty shitholes where his enemies hide. Dealing with these types of enemies on terms they can believably understand and fear. A known associate with a bullet through the eye sure beats a bullshit bat signal for inspiring this type of fear. 

It is time for a more direct approach to storytelling in today's media. People are getting smarter every day. Today's smart audience members know when there's a web of bullshit being spun around them. It smells, and we are getting sick from it. If you want to create a pulpy, realistic, gritty, violent, revenge story look to characters like Punisher or Max Payne. If you want to create a comic book or superhero movie, look at Warren Beatty's Dick Tracy or Richard Donner's Superman. The reason that the Avengers movie was so good was that they weren't trying to rewrite history. Unrealistic characters = unrealistic (possibly fun) story. Realistic tragic characters = realistic tragic story. No one with a working tounge puts sour patch kids in their salad, or whipped cream & cherries on their steaks. It just doesn't make for good flavor.

At $35-$50 for Max Payne and about $7-$10 for a movie, maybe Batman is the best investment of your leisure money. But, you have to ask yourself - "What is the best use of my leisure time?" 

Overall:

Batman 3's BEST: Matthew Modine's death scene. Bane's goons taking down the rich.

                   

              WORST: The British take on American Football esp the little British shit who sang our National Anthem. Why couldn't that little bastard have died? It's only a movie after all.                                                         

Max Payne 3's BEST: Unique gameplay, graphics, plot, original music (by Health), great pace, overall fun, and shooting Brazillian commando speedboats from a fucking moving speedboat.                             

                         

                     WORST: annoying 2nd to last boss in police station. You'll see if you play. 

Happy killing, friends.

-2012 Wielgorecki

This has been a NerdPostXclusive.

3 Football! facebook! Poop! Hut-HUT!!

Well, the NFL season is underway. Watching now, as fans leave the stands in Kansas City before their game ends. It's way too soon to write anything about any teams yet. Sadly, I am a lifetime Bears fan so I am used to constant and consistent heartbreak which usually makes for whiny, boring, ranting writing. Also, personally, I really don't give enough of a shit to write much of anything about any sport (other than MMA, boxing, skateboarding, stunt driving, pro-wrestling or roller derby). It's like- I go to the toilet, I take a shit, but there just isn't much there in the bowl, y'know? I give a shit. Just not much of one. I will leave the those wildly-fluxuating blood pressures and the task of documenting these wasted emotions to all the terrible, self-appointed, fan sports writers out there. Blog on, you superjock nut sack swingers.

Ah, facebook. I, like every other jerkwad and God in the world, have a damn facebook page. I even have one for my dog. Ridiculous. It's my second time on there. I had one a few years ago, but erased it because it seemed really pointless when I was engaged and moving to Durango, CO in an unnecessarily accelerated attempt to settle down, and create some offspring. Obviously, none of this came to pass. My fiance left and I wandered around San Francisco and Japan a little. Some of my dreams came true, but it was bittersweet. I realized, like Joe Strummer did, that "...without people, you're nothing." So after a little deluded vacation with the wrong ideas about love, followed by some time alone and abroad, I came back. It was nice to have contact again with my kick-ass friends. I realized, I may not be a total dick after all. This time it is all about quality. Fuck quantity.

Once on there again, I posted some stuff that I thought was really funny but that obviously no one else "liked" or thought was funny at all. What I think would be really funny is to see the master "wall" and see all the horrible shit that gets posted on there. Since I don't have the hacking ability to access this great wall of brain diarrhea, I decided to create my own shit-bricks to contribute.

It's The Year 2012: David Letterman is an ancient monkey puppet. Loyal only to his powerful/evil CBS benefactors, I'm sure their show has had a similar list at some point. It's not like those assholes invented the top 10 list. Here's the top 10 list of the all-time worst facebook wall posts. (until the next list)

10 - Just got back from the urologist…looks like I won't need those dick pills after all...STOKED!!

9 - We had to murder this hooker bcuz she kept threatening Greg's kid, lol. 

(includes pic of murdered prostitute) 

8 - Just won the lottery. Here's my social…

(includes social security #)

7 - Got fired today…. Whaasssaaaaap?!?

6 - What I came to today. 

(imbeds porn vid)

5 - Day 4: still out hunting with the guys…things are getting REALLY weird.

4 - I see red people. 

(includes pic of Native Americans drinking on reservation)

3 - Happy Birthday, Pee-Paw!!! 

(includes pic of grandfather's grave)

2 - Where's my keyboard? How am I typing this??

1 - When I shat in the shower this morn, I was prone on my belly, and the slop shot up high and landed hot, slapping down on my back skin.

Offensive? Yes. Gross? You betcha. You read it. You can't unread it HAHAHAHAHA!

Have a great week, America. I love you.

UPDATE: After about a month on facebook, I deactivated the account...I believe that facebook is a waste of my time at best and an incubator for Big Brother at worst. I am sure I won't be missed.

-2012 Wielgorecki

2 Those Lovable American Sociopaths

OK- this is an unedited version of an article that's going to be in the mag. It's my speculations as to the secret lives of some (of what I think are) sociopathic celebrities....

Those Loveable American Sociopaths

Everyone is aware of the power of celebrity. Somehow or another (demographically) we are as a society, all guilty of building people up into media gods. We give them influence and privilege far beyond what almost every unknown citizen will ever experience. I believe that most celebrities are just as- and possibly far more- corrupt than any politician or even career criminals can be.

The story of ex-skater Mark "Gator" Rogowski bears repeating here. He was a semi-famous professional vert skateboarder back in the 1980s. At age 20, when everyone is cocky anyway, Gator got away with punching a cop at MT Trashmore in Virginia Beach. This along with an instant rocket to fame and privilege, its inevitable crash, a failed relationship, and a warped sense of religious faith led Mark to brutally rape and murder a friend of his ex's, stuff her body in a surfboard bag and dump her remains in the desert. Sometimes, narcissistic egos unchecked can lead to psychopathy, and sociopathy which always perpetuate to some form of abuse.

           
Anyone, today, with an interest in obtaining celebrity for themselves definitely requires narcissism and possibly (in today's mad dash for it) sociopathy. I realize that there is no science or fact to back up the theories I will present here. I will start now by saying that everything I write here is based on the spectral evidence of my own instinct. These are just ideas. I have no hard evidence to back up these theories whatsoever nor do I ever intend to look for any. Rest easy, ye glamourous jackals.

           
I believe that many famous and financially powerful people have definitely committed (or been complicit in) the act of rape, murder and body disposal. I do not believe I am alone or naive in this belief. I also believe that the act of murder is something that marks a person spiritually. Through simply looking at photos, filtering rumors and paying close attention to real facts I have formed the following theories about these celebrities and their possible crimes…

Donald Trump- This man is, to be fair, a failed megalomaniac. He also might've fucked his daughter. Having watched many people attempt to interview this man I have repeatedly seen him storm out on them as soon as the slightest question is raised against his decisions or if he senses in any way that he is being (justifiably-in my opinion) scrutinized. He sees himself as perfect. He deems his own judgement to be infallible. This is the definition of a "god-complex" is it not? 

I am sure that a person as wealthy and powerful as he was in the 1980's would have had no problem getting rid of anyone he wished. I could easily see him having trouble with a woman, her laughing, and subsequently being abused possibly to the point of death for it. How many rival NY businessmen were murdered or ruined otherwise by the direct and/or indirect methods of Trump's thirsty ambition?    

The way this man has treated his employees over the decades is very similar to how abusive racist redneck contractors treat immigrant labor. His love of control, exploitation, and manipulation runs so deep he has a TV series to showcase it. I think the real question is not IF this man has killed, sponsored murder, or raped- but how many times he's done it and got away with it. It's also possible he just has a really tiny dick.

Kiefer Sutherland- If you look at pictures taken of this man from the past 25 years you can see a marked change in his facial demeanor. Young Keifer is bright-eyed and cheerful. This was also reflected in his slightly overzealous but stellar acting at that time. If you look at the modern Keifer that light has long gone out. He rarely smiles in photos, now. Not to mention his violent and erratic public outbursts of rage since reentering the spotlight thanks to 24. (the show that made Bush-era America OK with torturing Arabs.) Some may attribute this to aging and being jaded by fickle Hollywood. I believe, however, that it goes a little deeper. 

After the movie Flatliners, (and throughout the 1990's) Sutherland was cast in increasingly more obscure and darker roles. [The characters of Ace (Stand By Me) and David (Lost Boys), while dark, were more anti-heroes than villains.] He may have simply grown as an actor and was trying to challenge himself. It is also possible he had a growing darkness inside and fit easily into those roles because he wasn't acting at all. He was reenacting. I don't believe that he is a dyed-in-the-wool sociopath. I do think it is very very possible that (perhaps while "researching" his role for Flatliners?) he did something, or maybe several things that were very very wrong which cast a cold sallow darkness over this once vibrant actor. If you think I'm crazy, just try to picture him killing beating or raping someone, in real life, as himself- it's not a stretch at all, is it?  

Tom Seizmore- Is there any doubt at all that this man has definitely killed a woman? I don't think there should be. As an out-of-control junkie and regular patron of hookers for about 20 years now, Tom Seizmore (as seen on TV w/ Dr. Drew) is a total fucking wreck. He acts extremely elusive as if he is an actual fugitive. On a long enough timeline, indulging heavily in drugs and whores can lead to overdoses and rough sex accidents at the least (see Led Zeppelin). At worst, paranoid delusions resulting from drug overuse can drive people to intentionally harm torture and even murder people. Especially when you are a big star suffering from severe narcissistic rage and some hooker you've objectified and possibly injured can or does threaten your fame and success. (see L.T. and O.J.)

I feel fairly certain that this man is a multiple murderer/rapist who will never be brought to justice because of formerly-powerful friends like Heidi Fleiss, because the evidence no longer exists, because of Saving Private Ryan and because this man will kill himself with drugs before ever confessing. I don't believe Tom started out a sociopath, killer or rapist. I believe the combination of instant super-fame and a temporarily unlimited drug supply drove him from a slightly psychopathic actor into a possibly predatory and reptilian murderer/rapist. To the sociopath the #1 concern is to not get caught. Whatever Tom and/ or Heidi did to the sad and confused girls they had at their disposal in the mid-late 90's is any one's guess. My guess is that it involved a lot of suffering. The real tragedy is that not only did they get away with it but they may even still be doing it.  

Charlie Sheen- Also plugged into Fleiss' former network. Everything I said about Seizmore is pretty much true here except for the lamist activity. Instead of running from exposure, Charlie runs toward it. He exhibits every sign of an extreme sociopath. I think that he is a much more highly glorified and successful version of the aforementioned "Gator"Rogowski story. The difference being that Sheen has probably gotten away with a larger quantity and even greater severity of crimes over a much longer timeline simply because of who he is. 

Mel Gibson- Not a true American. Although quick to be labelled a "patriot". Mel is a talented and intelligent, iconic actor turned mega-mogul producer/director. He is possibly the most famous, highest functioning sociopath ever. Only in recent years, with the world dominated by instant information, has evidence of the abusive, racist, sexist and anti-Semitic tendencies of this blockbuster king bubbled to the surface. "I don't involve the police in anything because I stand up for myself…" or "I'll put you in a fucking rose garden you cunt. You understand that? Because I am capable of it." Why didn't anyone dig up this guy's rose gardens? The way he tells it there's all kind of dead "cunts" in there. 

It makes me wonder: who was the first person he killed? When? How? I'm sure each subsequent one was easier for him. With all the money and influence he has in Hollywood, there was probably once a time when he could use the streets of LA like the Mayans used Jaguar Paw's buddies in Apocalypto. Is it really that hard to picture him killing a doped-up homeless guy in Compton one night, crazed, bored, looking for sick kicks? 

This man's cinematic beginnings and the films that made him a living icon were Austrailan exploitation films. These were some of the most ridiculously murder and rape-filled movies ever made. These are his roots. His own films are cinematically impressive but always brutal and depict scenes of gruesome torture and violence which obviously fascinate and most probably arouse him. (See South Park) It was America and it's love of violence that created this powerful monster. It's all our fault. Even if exposed, Mel's movies would still survive and possibly become even more popular. I would still watch them too. Fuck. 

Axl Rose- No question about it. Axl is both sociopathic and psychopathic. A fragile, violent ego, seemingly unlimited narcissistic rage, and extreme body/self-image obsession. Not to mention that he was reportedly sexually and physically (and retroactively mentally and emotionally) abusive to every woman he had serious relationships with. This is probably due to the fact that he was abused himself. In GN'R's first interview with Rolling Stone he stated that his absentee father raped him at the age of 2. If he hadn't become a rock star he would have definitely been a 'trench coat mafia" type kid in his hometown of Jerkwater, USA.

I am of the belief that he has definitely killed for anger and probably for fun too. Most likely he used random groupies for this. I would say he definitely indulged in this type of activity only after he became rich and famous and most likely with no remorse whatsoever. He won't even talk to anyone about how he fucked over his former bandmates-it is probable his skeletons will go to the grave with him. 

Brad Renfro- Let me start by saying, this kid was a victim. Most likely that of pedophiles. I don't think he necessarily killed any people at all. The reason he makes this list is because I think he may have seen and been a part of some extremely horrible things. He seems to reflect LA's incurable infinite sociopathy.  Yet another casualty of the emotionally/sexually abusive Hollywood meat machine.

The last film he made before he died was the very awful 2008 depiction of the Brett Easton Ellis novel, "The Informers". (Originally written in 1983-ish) The scene in which his character helps a child in the movie goes quite differently in the literary vignette. In the book (SPOILER ALERT!) Renfro's character assists in the graphic murder and disposal of a young boy who was supposed to be sold as a sex slave. Was this too close to home?

Did this kid grow up too fast and see too many of the horrors of the real Hollywood? Is it possible that his impeccable talent for dramatic acting was based on his ability to channel his real despair? What did he do? Or, more importantly, what did he see done? The bottom line is that no one will ever know because he probably killed himself because of it.

Christian Bale- Also, not an American, but how could he not make this list? His fantastic depiction of Ellis's Patrick Bateman character in 2000's American Psycho was CB's ticket to the fame train. Now he has played another psychotic rich guy and gotten even more famous. His bullying rage-fueled outbursts and strained (possibly violent) maternal relationship on anyone else would be hugely disconcerting. But he's famous. Again, I pose the question: Is it hard to imagine this man losing it? Why was his Bateman so unbelievably believable? How deep does that character go? It seems that the character definitely obsessed its creator. In some of his later pseudo-bio works Ellis is stalked by Bateman or a hallucinatory facsimile thereof. Is it plausible that the character similarly affected Bale? I have personally spoken with other people on this subject and almost unanimously people agree that his portrayal of Batman/Bruce Wayne reeks of Bateman.

Bale, now, is much richer and more well-connected than the character he once portrayed. I don't think it is very unreasonable to consider that he may indulge (even out of psychotic curiosity) in some of the same behavior. Also, if someone is a good actor, doesn't that make them a good liar? How hard would it be for this guy to lie and be believed? 

I think the celebrity mind is possibly inherently sociopathic. Look at the recent stories just coming to light about Natalie Wood. She was a famous person too. Yet her mysterious death and possible rape were extremely intriguing stories both buried deep in the Tinsel Town dirt because of who was allegedly involved. (Kirk Douglas-rape?, Christopher Walken-murder?)

A deluded sense of entitlement and narcissistic rage MUST be common in people who's livelihood is based on their popularity and public image. Especially when everyone around them is reinforcing all their mental illnesses and enabling their addictions. It is truly disturbing to speculate as to what some of their addictions could be. It is even more disturbing to realize that because their of fame, wealth and power, that these addictions will continue to be fed unchecked.

That's the end of the article. "Hope you enjoyed the ride..."

                                                                 -2012 Wielgorecki

1 Welcome...

       

        Welcome. Wow, I thought I was being so clever and original when naming this blog. Turns out there were like 50 others with the same idea. Sometimes it's better to blend in to do your business submerged in the murk like Sasquatch or Swamp Thing does, rather than stand out shitting in the streets like big dogs or Good Morning America doo. These blogs are numbered because they aren't necessarily published on the days they are written. Right now,  I'm watching "the Agony and the Ectasy" scanning it randomly for amusing Charlton Heston overacting footage (none forthcoming) while I work on bits and pieces of a magazine that (like this blog) no one will ever read. I don't care. I like being busy. I must monopolize every waking second before Hanzo and I hit the road east this fall. (Hanzo is my dog and he goes everywhere I go.)

         The trip is becoming more and more exciting everyday. I keep adding stops for journalistic reasons. I want to write a piece about Tim Richmond, the tragic hard partying, wild card, stock-car racer who's career was cut short by AIDS. Inspired by the ESPN 30 for 30 documentary about him, I am planning to go a little way out of my way to visit his hometown. Ashland OH is a place I would never otherwise visit. Hopefully, I can get some sense of who he was and write something that would be accurate, introduce him to those who may have been born to late to remember him, and that would be enjoyed by his fans and those who knew him best. 

         Just a quick shot north from there is Cleveland. I would like to go and see the rock and roll hall of fame and try some of their legendary, liver-fattening, food truck cuisine. Obviously these are just stops. The main attraction is meeting my niece for the first time ever and reuniting with my family in NY. The call to the roads strengthens hourly although it is still months away.

         I am also checking out Eric Powell's "The Goon" series. Really well-crafted. He does double-duty as both writer and illustrator and has volumes of work already completed. I feel like I've only scratched the surface of this series and can't wait to check more of it out. I especially enjoy that he includes funny fake commercials in his comics. Inspired. 

        There is some really creepy-ass catholic shit in this movie. At one point they make a row of alter boys kiss this old, ugly christ-doll. Yuck. Bad touch. Also, just for the record Michaelangelo was NOT a party dude. 'Nuff said.

UPDATE: Wrath of the Math - The road trip has been, regretfully, indefinitely postponed for largely financial reasons.

-2012 Wielgorecki