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| Yeti By Brent Hollowell (LINK) |
Groove on, MOVIES
Just because NPX bit it last week, doesn't mean, by any means, that my media opines will relent. As a nerd and vidiot, I spent a lot of wonderfully wasted time reading into and writing about shitty movies last year. I figure it's time I wrote about some of the great ones. Here are some awesome recent flicks worth your time. No joke.
"Neo-Rambo is about to explode."
Jack Reacher is the new John Rambo of the 21st Century. He lives off the grid. Off of Goodwills and Salvation Army hangers, out of pawn shops and gas stations. Like all MP's he is trained to physically deal with out-of-control, SOG motherfuckers from every branch of service. Without telling you anything, I highly recommend this new action film classic to all true action-fans. It kicks fuckin' ass all over the place, just like Tom Cruise always has. Watch Jack Richard on Netflix. For your action. For your justice.
"I am the Sheriff. I COVA YOU!!"
Where Jack Reacher re-hashes the Rambo hero-rebel dynamic, Last Stand does so with TV's classic A-Team-style group dynamic. With Arnie, Johnny Knoxville, Luis Guzman, Peter Stormare, Forest Whitaker and an army of crazily badass stunt-people, Last Stand beats your eyes shitless and makes you want some more. Thank you, Kim Jee-Woon! It harkens back to those great action films of yesteryear, where killer stunts and beautifully violent, fantastically shot sequences kick tactical realism's ass every time. This desert town demolition flick also stars the beautiful Jaimie Alexander (who can perform over 5000 face-tightening exercises per hour) from Thor 1 and 2. Bottom line? Last Stand has some of the best automobile stunts ever shot by any camera anywhere. GO! GO!
Crystal Fairy (2013)
"Snatch it up. Cook it. Drink it down. OH KNOW!"
This easy work of genius, and his less-stressed sister, madness, was directed by Chilean film visionary, Sebastian Silva. It stars Michael Cera as a North American, hell-bent on trying San Pedro cactus (Echinopsis pachanoi) juice. The cactus is a psychedelic once used by the Moche civilization of that region for shamanistic purposes for generations, despite its now Catholic name. Although this film follows all its characters through their trips, I will reveal none of it to you here. What I will reveal, is that Gaby Hoffmann's performance in this, is ultra-prolific. Some of the best acting I've seen in years. That's all I'm going to say. View it. Cut it. Cook it. Know it.
Wrong Cops (2013)
"Write a book about what?!"
Did you see Rubber (2010)? Quentin Dupieux directed it, too. It was awesome. Conceptual, risky, but awesome. In Wrong Cops, we see this same radness evolved. Wrong Cops is a comically right headshot of shock for a city in desperate need of it. LA is a cultural shit-hole. It is the perfect hole for the wrong type of cop to shit right on down it. Chapter 1 stars Mark Burnham, Steve Little (Eastbound & Down), Marilyn Manson, Ray Wise (Twin Peaks), Eric Roberts (Hitman's Run), Arden Myrin (MADtv) and Eric Wareheim. I loved this movie. Not just because it made fun of the ultimate comedic target (abuse of power/authority), and not just because it did so in such an intelligently askew, new way…but because of its storytelling. Wrong Cops appears to be, but the 1st chapter in Officer Duke's story. It is a story we can't wait to finish. "Write a book about what?!" Holy shit! I can't wait to find out. (LINK)
Might in MUSIC
Since I am a man almost totally devoid of musical skill, I am often reluctant to write about music. (This same lack of skill also makes it harder for me to get laid.) Like every single person in the world, I love music. Unlike people, music will never leave you, as long as you have something to play it on. Through the art and science of music, we can all escape. Even if it's just for a little while…
Heidecker & Wood: Some Things Never Stay The Same (2013)
It's a very short jump from Eric Wareheim to Tim Heidecker. Even though they achieved stardom together over the last 10 years, more recently, they've been exploring some very cool individual projects. Heidecker & Wood is one of them. Davin Wood, the composer responsible for many of the hilariously weird and amazing jinglesque tunes from the Tim & Eric musical lexicon, has also appeared on and wrote music for Portlandia. I must admit that I haven't yet heard Heidecker & Wood's debut album, Starting From Nowhere (2011). If it is anything like this album, I'll undoubtedly pick it up soon. The music on Some Things Never Stay The Same, is reminiscent of Warren Zevon, Jackson Browne, and Dan Henley's best work. Perfect for psychedelic relaxation (Sunday Man) or action driving (Getaway Man-LINK), this album rocks in honest ways that have previously been lost to Top-40 jack-offs and dumb, pretty pop-cunts. It's a breath of fresh air. Fresh, delicious Rock N Roll air. If you're into the classic, west coast rock sound, pick up Some Things Never Stay The Same. (LINK) I sincerely hope that when these guys sat down and talked about the next 10 years, there was talk of a 3rd album. Rock on.
Motorhead: Aftershock (2013)
Do I even need to review this? It's fucking Motorhead. Just get it. Listen. Every song rules Hell. It's made for hard drivin', hard fuckin', and hard drinkin'. Show yourself you aren't a little bitch and expose yourself to the Aftershock. Full Metal Juggernaut. If you aren't a metalhead, you won't get it. It's fucking Motorhead. Duh.
Garbage: Not Your Kind Of People (2012)
"We are not your kind of people. You seem kind of phony. Everything's a lie." If you think Shirley is singing this about you, she surely is. (And don't call me, surely.) For the record, Shirley Manson has one of the sexiest, multi-range voices in all of music history. Not only that, she's a great songwriter too. When you write songs alongside great geniuses like Butch Vig, Steve Marker, Duke Erikson, and The Clash, how could you not be? Her songwriting and vocalization have done nothing but evolve over the last dozen+ years. Beyond 2000, and Beyond the T-1001, she's a Rock-Goddess, a beautiful, creative, self-made immortal. Unless you are their kind of people, or you didn't already know about it, you likely already have this album.
COMEDY Creatives
Making people laugh is one of the hardest jobs a person can have. Even if you're super smart, (like these 2) sometimes people just don't laugh. People are the worst. To me, comedians are the greatest people in the world. Without them, and the humor they share, many of us more intelligent (and therefore more depressed) people would live without laughter, in perpetual misery. Here's a couple of my favorites. Watch them, and they'll be some of your favorites too…
Catherine Tate: The Queen Of Characters
Catherine Tate will make all your funny bones horny. I neglected to talk about the immense talent that Catherine Tate is, in my farewell to The Office posts last May. The reasons for this are 2-fold. 1- I wanted to write something separate for Catherine Tate herself, not just her character on The Office, Nelly Bertram. 2- Nelly didn't really fit the mold of "rogue" or "villain" in that series. This piece was originally intended to be focused upon her own raucous series, The Catherine Tate Show, which is the best measure of her talent because she created all of its weird and hilarious characters. I have since trashed that review, because spoilers can splinter comedy, and because Tate's comedy is often based on the element of surprise. Let her surprise you. Watch The Catherine Tate Show on Netflix. This chick will kick the fuck out of your funny bone's ass and make you love it.
Dave Foley: Relatively Well (2013)
Relatively well? More like Completely Fucking Awesome Forever. After almost a decade out of the spotlight, former Kid in the Hall, and comic genius Dave Foley is finally back. Watch it on Netflix and see. I'm not going to talk any shit about it because no one can. It is awesome. Dave is awesome. Watch it if you haven't already. Unless you are a dumb, soulless chunk of shit, you'll laugh.
Insane VIDEO GAME
The world of online video game reviewing is nothing if not well-populated. I am not now, nor do I ever desire to become, a serious video game critic. It's just a world I never want to live in. The idea of video games as an interactive art form, pulls this numerically infinite media out of the dark galleries in the delightfully dingy world of their arcade ancestry, and propels them at light speed onto our walls at home. Were he alive today, DaVinci would love it. Playable artwork. Fuck yeah.
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| Goichi Suda, AKA- Suda51: The Mighty Grasshopper |
Killer Is Dead
(2013 Grasshopper Manufacture/Kadokawa Games)
You are Mondo, an up-and-coming executioner/gigolo. Within the first 20 minutes of playing Killer Is Dead, you will fight a huge-tiitted Alice (from Wonderland) who mutates into a giant demon-lobster (ebi-akuma) in a darkly surreal dollhouse full of giant toys and candy. As a contract killer armed with cybernetic ballistics and some supernatural samurai steel, navigating the glamorously dystopian, psychedelic, cyberpunk futurescapes of this world, you can get tired. That's what the gigolo stages are for. Lets be clear about these, as they are the most controversial part of the game for some fucking reason. Quote me on it:
"Woe to thee O fools who seek skills for the hitting on of women from thine own home video games."
'Nuff said.
This game was designed by maverick designer, Suda-51. Born Goichi Suda, this Nagano native is CEO of Grasshopper Manufacture and creative director of 2012's sexy, hilarious-yet-brutal Lolipop Chainsaw for PS3. Suda-51 is an excellent example of a true artist. Despite censors and naysayers who criticize his designs as "perverse" or "too violent", Suda, like any true soul rebel, sticks to his artistic guns. I believe time will reveal him to be one of the most groundbreaking designers ever. Sex and violence sell video games. Sex and violence sell all media. The people who cry and bitch about it will die off. In the meantime, kill some time with Killer Is Dead. Yeah, dude. It'll blow your eyes.
We watch what we want. We listen to the music we want. We laugh at what we want. We play the games we want. We are all the masters of media. There is no limit to our imaginations. We really go. See you soon.
-2014 Wielgorecki
