(read in Lemmy's voice)
1-Dip your impressionable, young braincase in molten Metal. This would ideally be done before puberty is fully realized, but, it is a choice that all who discover Metal for the first time, must make.
2-While your hair and scalp melt off, and the flesh barbeques away from your skull, you must headbang furiously. The hollow eye-holes in your bone-face will now glow red. Laugh like Skeletor, and use your new eyes to set people on fire and warm the bodies of loose women. You're not like others anymore. Now, whenever your skull-ears hear the sermon of almighty Metal you must always headbang, or otherwise rock out in tribute. Until you…
3-DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4-An 8 ft. Eddie, dressed in the wind-whipped, reaper's shroud, rows his Mastodon ribcage raft through the slimy, fiery, swampy, muck of the river Styx with a sickle-tipped, pterradactyl wing-bone, oar. He arrives at the shit-shore where you stand. Board the raft without hesitation.
5-Eddie will then row your punk ass to the shore's of Hell's Great Battlefied, where every dead killer fights on in an endless gruesome war. You must hoof it as best you can across this violent span. Move quickly, lest ye be consumed and destroyed by Hell's eternal war. Where all suffer for aye, and none can ever die.
6-A great winged dragon with scaly skin as smooth and black as calf leather lands before you. Climb upon the dragon's back.
7-Ride the Dragon. It will shoot straight up into Hell's dim, red sky. You will be soaked by the boiling blood and acid mist in the volcanic clouds of ash and filth looming all around you, veined with random, cruel, red lightning. The air is painfully cold against your burned skin. It smells of dry death and excrement. Higher and higher you climb. Until you reach the Hole in the Sky.
8- The dragon leaves you above it, floating on a tiny black plate, high in the eye of Hell's storm. There, isolated, you stand above an abyss. A filthy, clouded, endless pit of green and purple lightning. Smoke billows up from the black on black-lit abyss swirling with wisps that resemble razor sharp spines and swords, beasts, serpents, and flailing whores. Blazing runes spew forth from the invisible bowels of the hole. Spelling out rites of firey torment.
9- Dive in. Abandon all hope. You are now one with the chords and screams of almighty Metal. The fall has changed you. You are stronger now. You climb from the crater you made, drunk with power.
10- You can control the molten metal that flows underground. You force it up from asunder to form your own kingdom. Build bunkers and fortresses, conjure an army of minions- you will need them. The lost souls, who infest all of hell, wander the wastes. They will come for you. They live only to consume you…to make you empty, like they are. Only, you are strong now. Fortified with Metal armor skin, lava for blood, and steely unbreakable bones, your demon eyes see much farther. You slaughter all opponents easily, now, no matter their strength, size or ferocity.
11- So many fall you lose count. You bathe and fuck black valkyries in the blood of your kills in torch-lit pools atop sharp jagged towers of pig iron that you've effortlessly formed from pure hate. Hammered like a nail through the land, pointing up into the crimson, polluted sky. An antenna for war.
12- During one of your murderous orgies, you are poisoned into a deep sleep. One of your fortresses is overtaken. You awaken with anger like an atomic blast. Your fury grows when you find your minions slaughtered. You find your enemies there too, and smile in anticipation of their slaughter. Alone, atop the highest tower, you effortlessly kill thousands with your bare demon hands and teeth.
13- In victory, you lie exhausted atop a heap of undead dead pulp and limbs, still twitching. You lift yourself and stand atop it. A roar leaves your throat that causes dozens of volcanoes to erupt all around you. As your false-kingdom crumbles, You are hurled into the sky. Leathery wings grow from your back. You rocket into Hell's infinite black sky, forever strong and free to serve your master. To reign…over nothing.
Bang your head.
-2013 Wielgorecki
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