A Double Deuce Double Feature
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| …must…remain…stoked… YAAAAAAAHH!! |
Crank 2: High Voltage (en español)
If you saw the 1st Crank, (Crank: Crank) you know that the 1st minute of this movie is its coolest one. It's actually a pretty awesome movie for how inane it is. It's really artful, for an action flick. It tells the story of a transporter, who is really stoked. The catch is, that he must always remain in a constant state of stoked-ness, or die. This is achieved primarily with electricity in the sequel. Since I'd seen both Crank movies a while ago, and it was on Univision, I watched it.
I liked it even better in Spanish. The horse track sex scene was censored. This kind of shit on the rhythm of the continuity, for me. Otherwise it was fine. (Insert sexy, slow-motion-fo'-me, black chick here.) There's a great, however brief, cameo by Glenn Howerton aka Dennis Reynolds, and, the best character in English or Spanish, is, as always, the long-hair, Asian, Seizure-Guy. What is up with that guy anyway? Also the Asian Crackwhore-Stunt-chick is bad ass. When she gets hit by that car. Crazy. Enjoy Crank responsibly. "Mi Gonna Keep On Lovin' Tu."
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| No listenin'...You hear me?!? |
Steele Justice (en ingles)
Sounds like a porn, but, thankfully, it isn't. Even though the action scenes are great, the main reason to watch Steele Justice is for the music. (LINK) This Rambo rip-off stars Martin Kove. Most will remember him as the lovable, laughable, Cobra Kai sensei, Sensei John Krese from Karate Kid.
Kove looks like "The California Beach Rapist", which is a script that I wrote specifically for him. It would've guaranteed a him a Mickey Rourke style comeback if it had been produced. It was to be a period piece, set in 1981. The story would've followed Kove's character- a serial rapist on a spree. Instead of killing his victims, he would beat them nearly to death. His breakdown, splayed for the audience, would've showcased Kove's emotional range. Think American Psycho, 8 years earlier, along the Pacific coastline, with rape instead of possibly, imaginary murder.
The music in it would've been all Christopher Cross. I was thinking of using the song, "Sailing" in the most disturbing and violent scenes. I never planned to show any more than Twin Peaks did. It was, after-all, a Made-for TV movie script. That scriptship has long since sailed away. Sorry, Marty.
Even though he was in First Blood Part 2 (as one of Murdock's goons) I just don't see Kove as a Rambo. I still say Weird Al was the best, other Rambo. Kove is a way better bad guy than a good guy. In his younger days, he fought Big Lou on the old HulkTV series. (Season 1, Episode 3.) That coupled with his iconic status from KK1 alone, proves that Kove is a bad ass. Steele Justice only serves to further galvanize his legend.
Despite their disparity in originality, Steele Justice and Rambo share a similar message. Vets are rad. Without their devotion and sacrifice, our way of life would have been snuffed out long ago. Just think. Bread lines. No freedom of speech. Remember America, Vets only want one thing: "For our country to love us, as much as we love it."
-John J. Rambo
Thank a Vet sometime. Buy one a beer. It is literally, the least you can do.
-2013 Wielgorecki
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