Every kid with half-a-turd's worth of imagination, who's seen Star Wars, wants a damn lightsabre. There are even a lot of adults who do. Despite their popularity, few actual lightsabres exist outside of the fans' collective imaginations. To most people, who don't have advanced physics degrees, the Jedi technique of their design and construction, is an elusive art. I believe I now understand why. I have been lucky enough to come into possession of an ancient Jedi text, detailing this most surreptitious craft. Today, I pass this highly coveted knowledge on to you.
[Translated directly from the Jedi text.]
[Lightsabre Creation
by Yoda
A Jedi's weapon, the lightsabre is. Before this weapon, you may learn to wield, create one of your own, you must.
Required Elements:
1 Jedi Focus
1 functional penis
1 working flashlight w/ batteries
1 roll medical tape
Construction Procedure:
Step 1- Yourself to full arousal, bring.
Step 2- Jedi Focus to maintain full arousal, use.
Step 3- Flashlight to penis with medical tape, tape. Tape over switch, do not.
Step 4- Off all lights in room, turn.
Step 5- Practice.
If thought you, the actual lightsabre was anything more than this, wrong you were.
May the Force be with you, Padowan.]
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| "Try not, do, or do not. There is no try." -Yo, duh. |
Right on, Yoda. There's a lesson here. What about Force powers? Those are way better. What can an enemy do with a lightsabre if you Force them out into deep space before they can even whip it out? In conclusion, the only thing the Force, a lightsabre, or any talk of them can truly battle is the female libido.
(The Libida.)
Keep the Jedi arts secret. Make the Libida your ally. Good luck out there, fellow Star-Dorks.
May the whores be with you. Always.
-2013 OB1 Gynobi
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