40 LitSpit: Boob

boob

By Dave Carnie

WARNING: Danger!! If you used to read Big Brother Skateboard Magazine, but feel you're now too mature to laugh at any of the shit in it anymore, you definitely are. Congratulations, you are now old, and your heart has died.
Just like Ally Sheedy said it would. 

A Spectral Theory: When Bruce Dickinson screamed, "Can I Play With Madness?" Dave Carnie answered his question with a question, "I don't know, dude, can you?" Confused, or possibly enlightened, Bruce asked again, "Can I Play With Madness?" To which Carnie then replied, in mid frontside air, "How high?"

Penis in Vagina! Hail Gary! Not since the late Bukowski or Thompson, has a lewd genius of both literature and journalism so amusingly and accurately penned the laughingly abstract nightmare that is our American Dream. In this case, as seen through the Sk8scope beer goggles of the skateboarding world's best writer. Aside from having pictures of skating in it, Big Brother Skateboard Magazine would educate you about skateboarding. It would also advise you on the ins and outs of drugs and alcohol, perv your mind out about that girl you like, Crap on yer Nikes, and suggest you to do really, really fun and stupid shit- especially if you were suggestively stupid enough to try it.
Just like a real big bro.

It was the first skateboarding magazine that ever had tits. It was the first skateboarding magazine ever backed by Hustler-General, Larry Flynt. It's also the only skateboarding magazine that'd always make you laugh your ass off every time you read one. I would always be sure to read everything by Carnie, Singleton, Pontius, Cliver or Nieratko because they were always the most hilarious. Whether it was an interview, road story, or product review their articles were always delivered with razor wit, and the most disinformative, gut-splitting, strangest, most ridiculously aggressive, and gross humor. Unfortunately, Big Brother Magazine ended in 2004. Most copies of it were destroyed by uppity parents, or, puked, pooped, pissed on, or otherwise wasted alongside many skaters youths. Too bad about the magazines, as for youth…isn't that what it's fuckin' for? 

Fortunately for all wasted youths, a bunch of the best stories, interviews, etc from Big Brother, by Carnie, are collected for posterity in Boob. It's named after the Big Brah video that featured Carnie's awesome "Aggressive Street Dancing", and Simon Woodstock's killer "Metal Mom" music video, if I remember correctly. Thanks to Boobs, (I assume there are more copies than my one.) the hilarious art and words that Carnie has contributed to skateboarding culture will probably never be lost. That's perfect, because reading them will always be fun. Which is what it's all about in the end anyway.

 Rare deck from Carnie's nebulous skateboard company. Whale Cock Skateboards (LINK)

Boob was published by King Shit Publications (LINK), who also put out King Shit and King Snow online magazines. At King Shit the surly, sloshed, sidewalk-shreddin' spirit of Big Brother is still alive and well. If you want to read newer material by Carnie, you can find it there, or at The Skateboard Mag (LINK), Huck Magazine (LINK), Already Been Done (LINK). You can also check out his drunkard's food blog with wife Tania @ LINK. Or watch some classic video bits from the 3 Big Bro tapes @ LINK. Enjoy. 

I cracked up a lot while I was reading Boob. Sometimes, if there were people around, some of them would look at me like I was a kook. I just tell 'em "Fuck Off!" by holding up the cover so their dumb-ass eyes could see what I was reading. They'd usually laugh or roll their eyes as if to say, "I am a judgmental fucktard who don't know nothin' 'bout nothin' Dah-Uh, DUH!" Especially some old bitch who was at this one bus stop. What an awesome book. It can tell crappy people's looks to fuck off. In re-reading Carnie's material in Boob, I've found it holds up extremely well. This is usually true of all imaginations that are ahead of their time. (See Black Sabbath/DEVO.) Its journalistic integrity, and comic resilience are a testament to its author's intelligence, creativity, and absurdity. Carnie is probably one of the brightest people that the entire skateboard industry will ever see. I, for one, am glad that his hilariously filthy prose has been preserved forever in Boobs.
Live life right, kids. Sk8. Rip shit up. Read Boob. (LINK)

"If you're going to fight someone who you know will kill you, it might help to shit yourself."

-Carnie

-2013 Wielgorecki